Month: April 2016

The Day I Put My Boobs In A Panini Press

Published / by copperyuenger / 7 Comments on The Day I Put My Boobs In A Panini Press

Breasts, ta-tas, boobs, pillows, fun bags, sweater kittens, and the list goes on. Whatever you call them, we all have them. Even men. Hello? Moobs. We all have to take care of them. Amongst other things, that includes self examinations and regular monitoring. Especially as we get older.

I am not due for my first mammogram until at least next year. However at my lady doctor appointment, I mentioned some very minor pain I was having and after her exam, she decided to play it safe and request one with an ultrasound after. No biggie. I spent the next 2 weeks truly not stressed out. I have no indicators for cancer. No huge tumors. No symptoms. No family history. Nothing other than  some abnormal pain. My plan if there was something there? Get those suckers taken off and get me some of them fancy 20-year-old boobs. Yes, I know there would be more to it than that but a gal has to look at the positive.

Yesterday, I got the kids off to their respective places and headed to the doctor’s office. The mammogram was no worse than I expected. There is some awkwardness to having someone manuever your body while you stand there topless. And I am not going to lie, it was uncomfortable. However my tech (who, by the way, was maybe 5 feet tall) was very personable and made the process effortless on my part. It took 10 minutes, tops. There ended up being two ultrasounds. First a tech came in and then after the radiologist read the results of that and the mammogram, he did another. The gel was even heated and scented, it was practically a spa experience. If you can see past the strangers touching your girls and the possibility of the C word hanging in the air.

I am clear. He saw nothing to be concerned about. He said the pain is probably a result of one of two things.

A: Hormones. It is slightly possible I am headed into the VERY early stages of menopause.

B (and more likely): Excessive caffeine intake. I MAY drink too much coffee and iced tea.

He suggested that I cut back. In my head, I suggested he shut his dirty mouth. But being the lady I am, I said, “Yes, I will work on that.” In the meantime, I will start taking Vitamin E. It is supposed to make a difference. Because let’s be completely honest. I am not going to cut back. Nobody wants me to do that.

So I have crossed something off my list of turning 40 cons and it wasn’t too scary. Adulting still sucks but in the long run, this stuff is worth it. At the very least, it is reassurance that you are healthy. And at the most, early detection is key to successful treatments and longer lives.

**Full disclosure** I did treat myself afterwards to a Whataburger breakfast sandwich and a medium coffee. It could have been a large. Baby steps, baby steps.