I woke up today in a bad place. It has been a long week. The Dude’s flare up caused us to stay inside more than I would have preferred. We are sleep deprived. The kids were rough, who could blame them. They are bored, they don’t feel good, they miss daddy, and spring break has been meh at best. I wish we had left town like I had originally thought of doing. Did I mention that we are electronics free due to an incident two weeks ago where they thought it would be a good idea to tag my fence with a permanent marker? To make things worse, I have had a bad case of woe is me. Two weeks into Moose being gone is where I usually have a few days of being incredibly lonely, it is a tall hill that I eventually get over and slide back down the other side where I am fine. On top of that, life is very up in the air right now which often leaves me very anxious.
I ate an amount of doughnuts this morning that makes me a little ashamed. I let the kids watch several movies when we really should have been doing something productive. Then I had to do something. So I cleaned a little house and took a shower, the first one in several days. In the shower, right after Red brought me the jar of peanut butter to open, I decided to take a break. I need a break. I have every right to one and the only thing holding me back is the lack of desire to put a bra one. Heck, I even have relatively easy child care at my finger tips. No excuse.
So I dropped the kids off and went on my way. I could have easily used this time to hit the grocery, the food pickings at home are worse than slim. Or to Target, Easter is in a week and I have nada for it. But I didn’t. I went to the movies. I walked up to the booth and bought one ticket to a movie that isn’t animated. I went to the counter and ordered a giant extra buttery popcorn and a large soda that I had no intention of sharing. I sat where I wanted to, the very top row, and no one argued about who was going to sit where. I tried to not let it really irritate me when some chick sat one seat over when she had an entire theater to choose from. WTF lady. I silenced my phone and sat back. I didn’t have to shush anyone or take multiple trips to the bathroom or nudge Moose awake when he started to snore. It was nice. And I felt better when it was all done.
I love the movies. Before kids, Moose and I would go all the time. But now we either don’t want to spend the money or when we do get out sans kiddos, we don’t want to spend two hours being quiet. But still, I do love the experience. So every once in a while, I go by myself. I know some people find the thought of solo theater going to be lonely or sad. But I find it to be very therapeutic. It is dark. I can escape into a movie for 2 hours and leave the million voices in my head behind. I don’t have to share an arm rest or my snack with anyone.
I relish being alone. It is rare though with being the primary caregiver to the monkeys, a wife, an employee, a friend. I can’t even tell you if I have ever been alone in this house. I believe I lean towards being an extroverted introvert (is that a real thing?) most of the time but it is often exhausting. Sometimes I need to shut down and today was just what I needed. And I need to do it more often. I believe it will be easier and easier to make this time for myself once Red starts preschool in the fall but for now, I need to make more effort to decompress. I have to be a priority. I spoke with Moose on the way home and I think even he was genuinely happy and relieved to hear that I had done it.
As a final note, I saw Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. I went into it a little timid, the reviews have not been good. But I found it to be a great film and I would recommend it. I adore Tina Fey to pieces and she did not disappoint. The casting throughout was well done and the storyline kept my attention easily. Go see it. By yourself. Get extra butter on your popcorn while you are at it. And for the love of all that is good in the world, if you walk into the theater and a woman is sitting by herself, don’t freaking sit by her. She doesn’t need company.